4/4/01 - 5:04 PM
Beside me on my bed is a tiny, stone sting ray. From pointed nose to pointed tail, he is probably an inch and a half to two inches long. I'm terrible judging distance. Wing-fins rippled, mouth little more than an acute angle formed with two slashes. There is a small, tan block under him so he can be elevated slightly from whatever surface he's seated on.
And his tail is broken off.
Half an inch of white-streaked, charcoal grey tail is snapped off from the main body. The break is clean and if I hold the broken tail up to the base of the body, I can barely even see the fissure where they disconnect.
When I look at the broken surface, I see strange forms and little glitters of...sand? I don't know. But the tail is broken from the body. I remember doing it and it still makes me cringe.
My stereo wasn't working properly and I reached to hammer on it because sometimes it skips the CDs enough to keep playing. Once...twice...thrice...and I almost sensed the ray falling. It had been on top of the stereo and I gasped, reaching to try to catch it but by then it was far too late. It had already hit the floor and broken. I remember screaming at myself in frustration, ranting online to whoever was on at the time that I'd gone and broken this small, stone ray.
Seems so insignificant. Why throw a fit over something so easily fixed?
Why does my ray remain broken? Simple superglue would have reattatched the tail. But I haven't fixed it. I haven't bought the glue. I haven't reattatched the tail.
Why does this mean so much to me?
Even as I hold the ray in my hand now, my fingers are shaking. This ray was a gift from one of my best friends. She bought it for me when she was on vacation last summer. I hadn't expected to get anything from her. This came as a complete and utter surprise. So the ray matters to me. I feel like I have so little to hang onto that small tokens like this are more than just gifts. They're touchstones, like the Canadian penny I still have taped up above the light switch in my room at home. It's foolish but it reminds me of her.
I need to fix my ray. It bothers me every time I walk past it, see this talisman unwhole.
I need to get to Canada.
